for her, for me, for you.

I spent months stressed about how I would never be enough for her. How I would never have enough love or compassion. How I was not the right person for this job. How God must have made a mistake picking me to be her “everyday mommy”. You see, as I held her pain, as I experienced her trauma, as I badged myself with the title of “mommy” for her... I also knew that there was a huge piece of her I could not heal, I could not erase or take back... and that terrified me. 

She began to look at me with anticipation in her eyes when she would question and cry, as if waiting for me to take it all away. She looked to me to give her things I am physically unable to, so what now? Do I pretend? Do I make promises? Do I act wiser than my soul knows I am? Do I teach? Do I just listen? 

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Until God brought me to the place of “not enough”... I would have continued to try to give her more of my failing self, a love that she could see for herself wasn’t quite enough. Pleased but empty.

Have you ever placed expectations on someone to heal you, to love you... and it just doesn’t quite feel like enough?

Or have you ever struggled with the debilitating realization that you may not be enough?

Thats exactly where I got off track, believing that it was going to be my love that saved her. When really my love only triggered the reality of its limits. The love that would comfort her scared heart was me, but the love that would heal in ways I couldn’t was Him. God always enables us to be just ENOUGH to prove a need for more of Him.

I found myself saying a phrase to Sister while she inched her way into my lap and then everyday after.

“Baby, do you know how much I love you?”

“No.” - sister (she would say with a sassy grin knowing what I was going to say but wanting to hear it over again.)

“I love you so big, and there is nothing you can do to make that go away.”

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Until I heard my own words, I had no idea the importance of the words I believe God intentionally put in my heart for her... for me... for you...

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There is nothing you can do to make Gods love go away! He will never leave you unexpectedly. He will never not show up. He is not conditional. His love has never changed. An unearned, undeserved love. A love so intentional, so healing, so vast, so unconditional you will never find it anywhere else and you will yearn for it in every tangible thing on this earth, you will squeeze out ever drop of love or like you can find, you will for fit your soul for the temporary facade of what God designed and even then, it will never go away.